There has been a spate of quizzes on Facebook lately. Everything from “What One Word Describes You Best?” to “Answer These Questions and We’ll Guess Your Favorite Song.” So I thought I’d chip in and offer a one-question quiz for those seekers of truth who simply are not able to resist answering questions on the Internet.
Here it is. Multiple choice.
Which of the following are or were actual front page headlines in a major newspaper?
- Area Man Going To Sit Quietly In Darkened Bedroom Until Roommate’s Party Ends.
- Goldman Sachs Hires Single Morally Decent Human Being To Work In Separate, Enclosed Cubicle.
- Flooding on N.C. coast to rise.
- Man At Gym Just Watching TV.
- All of the above.
- None of the above.
Correct answer: c. From the Raleigh News & Observer (N&O), January 31, 2015. The others are satire, I say satire, from my daily calendar, produced by extremely talented writers at The Onion.
The N&O front-page above the fold article is chock full of astonishing disclosures, building on the headline in c., above. Example: “More flooding will close roads, clog storm sewers, and damage streets and other public structures….” Another example I would never have guessed: “Even moderate floods can hurt businesses, isolate neighborhoods, and disrupt transportation.”
As the kids say: Duh.
But we N.C. residents do have some hope, because our General Assembly has consistently thumbed its collective nose at studies produced by such clearly unqualified organizations as the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and the Union of Concerned Scientists, studies that predict, among other alarming items, that rises in the sea level that will cause “…minor tidal flooding as a near-daily event in the Wilmington area by 2045.”
God bless our leaders for deciding to ignore those reports and simply order the ocean to stop rising.
A few years back I heard a program on WUNC describing early homes built on the Outer Banks that floated when the flood-causing storms came. I think that was a hundred or more years ago.
Our solution thus far: raise insurance rates for seashore properties and continue to rebuild roads, bridges, beaches homes, other buildings, golf courses, and whatever else the floods continue to wash away. We could use an Internet quiz for our leaders that will point out better solutions.